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Musings, Rants

Love and Disappointments

Love is meant to be one of the most powerful words in the English Language, but it has long since lost all intensity and meaning. Where it was once used to express a powerful bond between people, it is now used to depict mere appreciation.

I think it’s fair to assume that everyone’s been through relationships that ended, friendships that they wanted to become more but didn’t, divorces and deaths, the desire to get married and many other disappointments of the romantic nature. With that, usually comes the pain of rejection, confusion over being misunderstood, self-doubt, paranoia and so on.

We pretend to love unconditionally, when the truth of the matter is that no one is capable of loving another without setting conditions to their love. The only unconditional love that exists is that between a mother and her child. So what love is this that we celebrate?

I am disappointed with love. I am disappointed with the concept of love. I am disappointed with the perpetual abuse of the word and the emotion. What is love? How silly is it that we live our lives aspiring to love and be loved?

How am I supposed to know or believe when someone is being genuine in their use of the word love, or the phrase I love you? From experience, I know for a fact that people get so caught up in moments that they end up blurting these words to each other. But they forget that every moment is a prelude to other moments, and if they don’t mean what they say in one moment, it will all come back to bite them in their rear-ends eventually.

A moment. That is all it is.

Our whole lives are made up of moments. Of instances that may or may not mean something. And in some of those instances, we feel these great waves of emotions and we decide to make them more meaningful by adding a few expressive words here and there. You got it, it’s that “L” word again. It strikes me as very odd for someone to tell me they love me when they are emotionally unstable.

Yes, I said emotionally unstable. Let’s face it, we are all emotionally unstable when we are in love. There is no use denying the fact. Our emotions are all over the place, our palms sweaty, our hearts beating fast, our words either coming out too quickly or not coming out at all, our brains working in overdrive, our thoughts running a mile a minute. Seriously, how do we put so much faith in those moments? Allowing them to affect us so profoundly that we are left unable to function on a day to day basis.

I have been disappointed by these words time and again, let down every time, that I no longer have faith in them. In fact, I don’t want to be loved anymore. Love is for amateurs.

I want to be admired. I don’t want someone to fall in love with me like I am some sort of ride they’re on. No, I would rather someone admire me. Fall in admiration with me – as it were.

With admiration lies a certain amount of respect, fondness, and awe. And that is more important to me than for someone to merely love me. What is the point of loving someone if you are not going to treat them well or treat them with care? What is the point of loving someone if you won’t give them the respect they deserve? Admire me by allowing me to stand next to you, not in front of you or behind you. Admire me by accepting me for who I am. Admire me by showing pride rather than shame. Admiration is the key.

Don’t love me. Admire me.

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About smshamma

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

Discussion

24 thoughts on “Love and Disappointments

  1. Thanks so much for sharing hs thought and yes I agree the word does get overused but I remember a guy once telling me h thought I was enchanting which I thought was lovely. Another word that gets overused is frend … is everyone really a friend? I don’t think so

    Posted by jensine | May 2, 2012, 00:23
    • Hello Jensine, thank you for your comment. “Enchanting” is definitely an upgrade from all the other random compliments people get – things like “you look hot” and “you’re sexy in that top”.

      Also, I think many words are being overused now. This includes words like “hate” and “friendship”, but I guess I was focusing on the idea of “love” and how it seems to have lost its spark, and that magical quality to it.

      Posted by smshamma | May 6, 2012, 14:20
  2. I think part of the beauty of the word “Love” is that is can mean so many different things. It is too bad that we often have to decipher the meaning when the word is said to us, though. The problem comes when the speaker of the word is not sure of his/her meaning or the hearer of the word deciphers it differently. But how wonderful when the speaker and the hearer are on the same wavelength! It is worth it, really.

    Posted by Jeannette Monahan | May 2, 2012, 01:48
    • That is true, and I am sure it is worth it when it transpires in its true form, but rarely does it do that anymore.
      I’m still waiting anyway =)

      Thank you for your comment Jeannette!

      Posted by smshamma | May 6, 2012, 14:21
  3. I like the way you tackle your points. Very well written.
    I disagree with almost all of it, but you had me convinced for a moment. To love and be loved is something. You can easily go from admiring a person into detesting them, because of a simple mistake. Love knows not such thing.
    Yes, love is flawed and (in my opinion) admiration isn’t, and that is exactly why love is beautiful.

    I cannot fit my opinion in a comment, nor can I write it properly, but let me tell you that I love your blog and that’s what made me start filling this box with words.

    Posted by Mai mostafa | May 2, 2012, 03:05
    • I am glad you enjoyed the read Mai, and I agree that love is flawed and therein lies the magic of it. I guess I am still waiting to be proven wrong, but till then, let’s agree to disagree =)

      And I am very happy you love my blog! =D

      Posted by smshamma | May 6, 2012, 14:22
  4. Well even when it comes to marriage most successful ones’ true backbone is “3eshra” not love. Meaning that love eventually fades.

    Love yourself first and learn to appreciate yourself. We are all insecure fucks so you might just as well be secure and confident about yourself and what you are doing. Don’t let anyone influence you positively or negatively. In friendships and relationships you pretty much give up once you allow yourself to be taken for granted

    Posted by Omar Abu Omar (Aka. OmarDXB) | May 2, 2012, 06:29
    • That is indeed true. I think everyone needs to love themselves first, that really is a key element in the success of any relationship.

      Posted by smshamma | May 6, 2012, 14:23
  5. Alright, here I go;

    The phrase “falling in love” is mythical, I honestly believe that. I don’t believe that one can fall in and out of love, BUT, I do believe that to “admire” is to love, the two are infact the same. Everything listed with admiration comes in with love, not just speaking from experienece but generally. CERTAIN men will love unconditionally regardless of mistakes, moods, dissapointments and the occasional wrong-doing. To reach this point; well let’s face it not all men can do that, some are just in for the ride, others just for FUN! However, those who are serious look to be admired aswell! Let’s try to focus on them and not those who are just “in for the ride” because let’s face it, rides at the end of the day- are always just for kids!

    Love you!
    Xo

    Posted by D. F. E | May 2, 2012, 10:38
    • I am sure that is true. Yes, everything listed within admiration comes with love as well, but my point was that the word has become so overused that all of that became lost in translation. The word “love” lost its purity and its charm.

      I don’t think I agree with the idea of certain men loving unconditionally though. I find that very hard to believe, but hey, I don’t mind being proven wrong on that one!

      =) xx

      Posted by smshamma | May 6, 2012, 14:25
  6. Bet you will look back at this piece one day and think “I was emotionally unstable when I wrote this…” :)

    Posted by A gambler | May 2, 2012, 11:41
  7. My beautiful daughter i am happy that u start 2 understand what love means …there r no true love between man and women ..cause love means 2 accept the others with all the bad and good things and 2 live with it …and this is very difficult ..that is why we need respect in love cause love without respect is useless…even in our QURAAN it did not mention the word LOVE but it mention MAWADDAH w RAHMA that 2 words brings the love u ask in ur life inshallah.

    Posted by ghada | May 2, 2012, 18:07
    • I love you mommy, and I hope to one day find a person who will accept me for who I am, and I, in turn, accept him for who he is. Just like you! xx

      Posted by smshamma | May 6, 2012, 14:27
  8. “Mawaddah” and “Rahma”. I like the two words referred to there. Their meanings are so simple yet so deep. Another word that I’m a big fan of and is often used in the quran is “Sakeena” — it means tranquility (I think, if I’m wrong please do correct me). Ironic how they’re rarely a part of any relationship… in our present time and day that is.
    According to your interpretation of love and admiration, admiration would have to be an inherent part of a relationship. Its there during every moment. Which would make me say that I too want to be admired, but I’d like feeling loved every now and then…at least according to my interpretation of love.

    Posted by eyeonit | May 5, 2012, 13:23
  9. Amazing

    Posted by AH | July 3, 2012, 07:52
  10. Thanks for this note. It inspired a note that i am currently working on. Drop by at my site whenever you feel like it.

    AH

    Posted by AH | July 8, 2012, 19:56

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